I have previously mentioned that I have the desire in me to write the greatest story ever written. This may not be a motorcycle related story, although it would be appropriate if it was, but in it there would be references. The setting would be both majestic and understated with characters that haunt you while being entirely forgettable. Once, I had the brilliant idea that I would write a story in which no names were used;
He walked into the room, and They all stopped talking as He went directly to Him and Her…very difficult to win a Pulitzer with that fare.
Still, I Repress ™
Tenacious D (aka Jack Black) wrote a song called “The Greatest Song in The Word – A Tribute”. In the song he sings that the song he is singing doesn’t sound anything like the greatest song in the world; how could it?
Yet on he sings.
On I write.
In order to write such a great tale, one must look to one’s muses. Mine are many: Tolkien, L’Amour, Eddings, Bing, Martin, Doupe…to list more than a few but less than them all.
My latest muse was “Going to the Mall to Get a Girlfriend”. You could say, “I have been Douped”
To be “Douped” is a good thing. To be Douped is to be inspired. To be Douped is to cavort with words in their truest sense. To be Douped is to fence with wit and pun. To be Douped is to be given books to read that never would have been on the radar, only to find that there could be no radar without them.
Still, I Repress ™
I have learned two lessons recently that SHOULD stay with me for the rest of my days. If they don’t, I will be dead and poor; depending on the order of the aforementioned statement, I may not be that inconvenienced.
Lesson #1: Don’t stick the end of a plugged in extension cord in your mouth. This lesson was actually learned the easy way; an incredulous look on the face of my neighbour, cum fence building partner, said it all. My justification was that as a climber, I am used to pulling rope for slack (while perched precariously on the face of a cliff) and holding the rope in my teeth while preparing a sling.
10.5 mm climbing rope doesn’t conduct electricity the way a plugged in extension cord does.
Still, I Repress ™
Lesson #2: DVD’s in your shirt are no way to treat a lady. Sometimes life deals you an Ace and sometimes you go All In when you got shit.
This I know.
Really.
I go out the other night to Blockbuster to rent a DVD; I definitely did NOT go out to BUY a DVD. Because I was in a shitty frame of mind, I went on the Silver Jet wearing naught but jeans, sandals and my Seahawk’s jersey. Returning a movie we had already watched meant slipping it under my tucked-in-at-the-front-only jersey.
Having promised the Departemnt of War that I would get a funny movie this time, I found a chick flick; Sarah Jessica Parker and a buncha dudes that chicks like in movies; actually it turned out to be a good film.
Still, I Repress ™
Heading home, I masterfully displayed my 2-wheeled prowess to all who warranted a viewing…only to discover 1-2 km down the road that the DVD under my jersey was NOT a DVD under my jersey; there was nothin’, only the ribs and the air. (THAT was a tribute to Arlo Guthrie’s Motorcycle Song)
I had to go back for another…life lessons can be hard.
Depression vs. Repression…still…
Fact: Mothballs mixed into the fuel of a ’73 Pinto make sparkplugs LESS fouled with oil, but also LESS longevity-ed
Fact: Ex-Lax is NOT hash, but can still get you expelled from Junior High School if you pass it off as hash
Fact: When I was a kid living in Calgary (circa 1972) I could see from my bedroom window directly into a bathroom; I had a great view of a bathtub which often had 2 occupants. The apartment and neighbouring house/bathroom are still there
Still, I Repress ™
Did you know that to some members of the opposite sex, a man’s ability to perform well in games of the vocabulary increases his sex appeal, or general desireability, to some women? It’s true; I have the MSN History file to prove it…
BElittle; BEtray, BEsmirch; BEsotted; BEtroth; BEware; BEseech; BEwitch; BEguile; BElay; BElong; BEside; BEset; BEgan; BEqueath; BEhead; BEtween; BEneath; BEhind; BElow; BErate; BEfriend;
To BE or not to BE, that may BE the question.
If you are a female reading this, am I sexier to you now? Do you want me more? Please BE honest.
Still, I Repress ™
In grade 9 I met this guy. He was in my home room, and hadn’t been in the school the year prior. I was pretty cool by grade 9, having survived grade 8 at one of the toughest schools in the Fraser Valley, so when he asked me if I had a piece of paper he could borrow, I said NO. We are still friends, but he often reminds me of the binder I had which overflowed with processed/refined pulp. Damn if he wasn’t from the Island, where they made paper; who coulda known? What may have made it worse was he ended up with a girlfriend who lived 3 doors down from the school. She had failed grade 9 the year before, so she was an older woman. He was getting it EVERY DAY at lunch. EVERY DAY!
I am still his friend.
When he was born, he was given the name, Niyevo (Nitch-ah-voe) and the rationale that was explained to him was that this word, in Russian, means “nothing”. The idea was that when he turned 18, he could pick any name he wanted because his name meant nothing; he chose “Niyevo”…true story, I couldn’t make this shit up.
Still, I Repress ™
I have this friend who fancies an Italian Sport Bike.
Finally, a motorcycle reference!
We all have “friends” we mention, but really we mean ourselves. We all know it, but we all do it. It’s trendy.
Metaphorically speaking, I have been riding a British bike for the past 19+ years. Not much riding in the past 15, but once you get used to a bike, it is sometimes hard to sell it. As time goes on, the bike becomes part of the daily routine and the thought of getting a new bike, while tempting and pleasing to the brain, just isn’t in the cards.
But then, out of nowhere, you see a bright new bike. You have never really thought about foreign Sport Bikes before; but there it is. Shiny. New (to you at least). High performance. Lotsa snap off the line.
You stand beside the bike a few times while it is running; snap the throttle a bit, it responds well to your touch…almost speaking to you. You realize that it isn’t so much the appearance of the bike as it is the responsiveness, the sense of awakening, the smell…it is a package deal. You take the bike for a few test runs; nothing too far, that wouldn’t do at all, but far enough. Bikes have their limits too; they must be respected.
I think a lot about foreign spot bikes these days; spend a lot of time around them too. I haven’t taken one for a full blown ride, it wouldn’t be right. But I think about it a lot.
After our class road ride, a comment was made about a carload of teenage girls that pulled up beside us. I commented that at my age, I wasn’t that interested in a carload of teenage girls. One must keep up appearances after all…
A female companion/rider looked at me and said, “That is sad”.
She was/is right.
I hope I can tell her that one day.
3 comments:
As always, I have absolutely and utterly nothing to say about this.
Yes, you're sexier to me now.
Would you like a girl to show you how to REALLY ride a sport bike? I think I'd better scrounge up your contact info and show you how it's done.
Two (2) things:
1. I am glad to have been acknowledged by Cassandra as "sexier now'. Surreptitiously I stole glances at her during theory night...my secret is out. She emits confidence and enthusiasm; this is what truely makes her attractive. Also, I am glad to have received an email from her today. I will respond. We will ride.
2. I was very concerned with Marty's opinion of what I had written; I was looking for approval. What I didn't realize then, but do now, is this:
"It is not the opinion people have of what you write that matters. It is the effect what you write has on them, and how it can help to shape the remainder of their lives"
Instead of approval, I simply await a signed copy of the 1st book he DOES publish. Until then, we will continue to jam on MSN and do the occasional phone call. We will drink together one day...of that I am sure.
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